Tits Time for Coffee

You’ve been invited to a house-warming party or to a friend’s place for dinner, and if you’re like me, you spend a frantic 30 minutes running up and down the aisles at Target trying to find a passable gift for your host and still make it in time for cocktails.

Does he need a Shake Weight, I ask myself. Maybe she could use a Ped Egg. And after scolding myself for considering any item emblazoned with the red “As Seen on TV” logo, I grab a bottle of merlot or a scented candle and scamper to the check out.

I’m sick of giving tired and predictable gifts, and while wine is always welcome, you want to give your host something that will impress. Homemade gifts are always unique and genuine, but can be hard to pull off. That’s why I came up with the “Tits Time for Coffee” mug; it’s easy to make and guaranteed to get a toast from your host.

What You’ll Need:

• An old coffee mug
• Smutty magazines
• Scissors
• Decoupage glue (I use Modge Podge)
• Sponge brushes

Let’s Get Started:

First, ensure your old coffee mug is clean and dry. Soak your coffee mug if necessary to remove excess coffee stains or lipstick residue from the rim of the mug.

Next, cut enough pairs of breasts from your smutty magazines to cover the exterior of your old coffee mug in its entirety including the mug’s handle.

Working in small sections, liberally spread your decoupage glue with your sponge brush to your old coffee mug and begin sticking your breasts (the cut-out breasts, not your actual breasts) to the mug’s surface. Be sure to apply your breasts by first working from the center of the picture to the edges. This will ensure that you do not get lumps in your breasts.

Continue gluing your breasts to your old coffee mug until your entire mug is covered. You may overlap your breasts if you wish.

Once your decoupage glue has dried, apply another coat of glue with your sponge brush to your coffee mug and allow glue to dry. Repeat this step until the edges of your breasts are smooth.

CJM