I sometimes suffer from extreme bouts of writer’s block and if you've ever had a stone trapped in your urethra of creativity, you know just how frustrating and painful it can be.
When ideas fail to freely flow, I’ve developed a ritual for inspiration.
- I read
Reading can give me inspiration, especially if I'm reading something boring. While reading a tedious tale my mind tends to wander and sometimes my mind may actually wander upon a great idea. If I'm really stuck, I'll read the Bible. The Bible has everything: blood, sex, circumcision...
- I sleep
I let my subconscious do the work and hopefully by the time I wake from an Ambien-induced coma I'll be full of bright ideas.
- I troll Craigslist
I know it seems crazy, if not seedy, but nothing inspires me like free TVs and sex addicts. If at any point you want to take the pulse of the current condition of humanity, browse Craigslist. Abraham Maslow would have appreciated the ample proof that is teeming among the personals and apartment listings to support his hierarchy of needs.
- I watch TV
Watching TV distracts be from the anxiety and fear of not being able to come up with a clever idea and the constant self-loathing and doubt. TV helps me direct my inward rage outwardly toward television's most hated villains. And sometimes, by the time a GEICO commercial is aired for the 43rd time, I'm at peace and ready to write.
- I chat with Perry the Penguin
Perry the Penguin is my most beloved childhood stuffed animal. Perry and I went everywhere together up until I was 17. Perry lets me bounce ideas off him and is always supportive. Strangely, he has a British accent and speaks in a frequency that only I can hear.
- I sit and wait
If shootin' the breeze with Perry doesn't cure my writer's block, I'm forced to just wait it out. I'll let my mind go blank and see if any great ideas decide to pop into my head.