Author's Note
Five years ago today, I prayed for the first time in as long as I can remember. Like a lot of you, I sat glued to the TV scared, angry, sad, and confused. It was perhaps the first time in my life that I felt so many simultaneous emotions. I lived in Illinois at the time, so far away from the events that were unfolding on my television screen, and yet I was personally afflicted. I didn’t know anyone who was on a hijacked plane or who worked at the World Trade Center, but like everyone, I grieved as if I had.
In the weeks that were to follow the September 11th attacks, I remember feeling uneasy and uncertain about the future of our nation. I was fortunate to grow up in a time when wars and death and destruction were things that happened in far away countries that I had never heard of. The attacks on the World Trade Center jolted all Americans, but especially Americans of my generation, into a reality that we had never known, a reality we thought impossible. The unshakable faith in our safety as Americans was broken and we were forced to grow up.
Like many of my peers after the September 11th attacks, I became acutely aware the United States’ role in the world theater. I became disheartened with current U.S. policies and became far more politically active. Before September 11th, my friends and I got together to watch reruns of old sit-coms on television after class. After September 11th, we got together to watch the news and skipped classes to discuss politics and U.S. policies. A once ignorant and apathetic generation finally woke up. I found President Bush’s decision to invade Iraq not only frightening but also polarizing, ideals that I still hold today. I wrote the following article three years ago and I think that on the 5th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center, the critical issues facing our nation five years ago are even more significant today. I invite everyone who comes to this site and reads the story to discuss their feelings by posting a comment, after all, we are lucky to live in a country where political discourse is encouraged and freedom of speech is a right and not a privilege awarded to a lucky few. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy.
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1. In the beginning of the end of the United States of America there was George W. Bush, and God saw George W. Bush and said he shall be President despite the fact that he lacked the majority of popular votes. God gave George dominion over all the citizens of the United States of America. And God said, “Behold, I have given you the power to force your will upon the people, and you alone shall reinterpret the laws.”
2. Then God saw that George was lonely. So out of George’s fattened pocket book, God pulled Laura, a creature dressed in a brown tweed suit and matching pumps. And God saw that Laura was predisposed to rant about women's rights and would all in all just give George too much sass. So God gave her a vapid smile and transfixed her with her shiny pearls so that she would keep quiet and vacuum on occasion.
3. Then God thought to himself, The Bushes need a place to live. So God observed a man with a reputation for leaving his serpent in the wrong trees and said unto him, “Depart from this house you who bears the mark of Democrat.” And so it came to pass that the Bushes would live in a spacious white mansion at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
4. God then said unto the Bushes, “Go forth and multiply.” But George could not hear over Laura’s new Dirt Devil and thought God had commanded him to lie and not multiply.
5. God then gave one final commandment. He told them not to eat of the fruit of the tree of evil that was planted in their backyard near the rose garden, for in it they would find terrorists, homosexuals, and the French.
Laura’s Disobedience
2. And so it came to pass that one day Laura wandered out the backdoor with her vapid smile intact and came upon the tree of evil. Mesmerized by the shiny fruit, she plucked one out of the tree and pinned it to her sweater ensemble mistaking the apple for a broach.
2. Because of Laura’s disobedience, terrorists, homosexuals, and the French were unleashed on the United States of America. Terrorists began plotting and homosexuals wanted to get married. And the French were no longer distracted by bérets and smoking cigarettes. The cigarettes were supplied by the powerful tobacco industry to eradicate the French who would soon begin to criticize the United States of America’s foreign policy.
3. And so George in his almighty wisdom condemned Laura to vacuum the Lincoln bedroom and he damned Muslims, homosexuals, and the French, but mostly the Muslims because not only did they practice a different religion but they were also a different color and were an imminent threat to WASP values, as enemies of the United States of America and morality.
The Twin Towers
3. And so it came to pass that on September 11, 2001, Muslim terrorists hijacked commercial airliners and crashed them into the twin towers of the World Trade Center.
2. And George and all the citizens of the United States of America deemed this as an abomination done unto their holy city of New York. And a great cry went out into the land. And the people would demand justice.
The Judgment
4. And so a declaration went throughout the world that all the nations of the Earth were to be judged by George, who declared himself supreme deity ruling over the land, sky, and sea.
2. And so it was to happen that the lands of Sodom and Gomorrah, known to the people of the United States of America as Iraq and Afghanistan, were to be razed, for the men of these nations had grown wicked and resisted cultural imperialism. For opposition to cultural imperialism was the original sin. Angels of George rained hell fire upon Gomorrah and many innocent Afghanis were brutally slaughtered for it was the will of George.
The Ten Commandments
5. When hostilities were born in Washington D.C. in the days of George there came the State of the Union Address. George assured the citizens of the United States of America that the King of Sodom, Saddam Hussein, bore weapons of mass destruction in the city of Baghdad.
2. It was through his address to the nation that George brought forth his ten commandments known as the Patriot Act high upon Capitol Hill.
3. Thou shalt have no other gods before George W. Bush.
4. Thou shalt not harbor or aid terrorists or other enemies to the United States of America. This includes but is not limited to Muslims, homosexuals, and the French.
5. Thou shalt surrender all personal information in the likelihood that thou will be investigated for having ties to Muslims, homosexuals, and the French.
6. Thou shalt not criticize the government.
7. Thou shalt willingly surrender civil liberties.
8. The news media shalt censor all negative reports regarding the war in Iraq.
9. Thou shalt kill Muslims, homosexuals, and the French or any other threats to national security.
10. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy nation.
11. Thou shalt bear the American Flag or any other accoutrements of patriotism and shalt persecute those that do not.
12. Thou shalt hold in the highest esteem the holy trinity of George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Donald Rumsfeld.
13. For George W. Bush was the President, and thrust his nation into a totalitarian government disguised as democracy.
14. Now George had declared himself protector of the free world so that he himself could terrorize Muslims, homosexuals, and the French unopposed.
15. George then detained hosts of Arabs for more than a year without charges, legal representation, or contact with their families. This was done in the name of national security because skin color and nationality was the most obvious determinant of terrorist involvement. In the sweep to find terrorists, George employed tactics of affirmative action, making sure people of color would most likely obtain the positions of terrorists first. For he was a compassionate conservative, and it was important for minorities to be placed in jobs.
The Fall of Sodom
6. And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from George that all the males of the United States of America were to be massacred in the land of Iraq. So like the great King Herod before him, George could ensure that no man would defy his authority.
2. And the men of the United States of America’s military were dispatched to Sodom to die with Muslim tyrants in a conflict that was said to concern democracy and freedom. Unbeknownst to the citizens of the United States of America, the struggle was really about oil. In those days, oil was prized for its ability to power sport utility vehicles that were needed to deplete the Earth’s ozone layer so the citizens of the United States of America could have well-developed tans.
3. George was worshiped for his actions by Apostle Bill O’Reilly and Apostle Rush Limbaugh, who was acclaimed for his spiritual epiphanies through the illegal use of the prescription painkiller, OxyContin.
4. And so, George smote the land of Sodom despite the lack of involvement from the United Nations. And the United States of America and its favored lap dog, Great Britain, would rebuild the nation of Iraq.
5. The people of Iraq rejoiced, for their tyrannical golden calf had fallen in Baghdad and now they were free to disregard their culture and pursue the rocks of ages, McDonald’s and Coca-Cola.
CJM, signing off....
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